First message on dating apps: 33 openers that actually get replies

A match is only the start. Plenty of matches never turn into a single message because neither person knows what to say first. The good news: the first message on a dating app doesn’t need to be clever. It needs to be personal, easy to answer and a little bit warm. Below are more than 30 example openers grouped by style, the reasons they work, and the messages you are better off never sending.

The three rules of a good first message

• Make it about them. Mention something from their photos, bio or prompts. It proves you actually looked.
• Ask something they can answer easily. A question with an obvious reply keeps the conversation moving.
• Keep it short. One or two lines. A long paragraph feels like pressure before you have even said hello.

That is all the “best Tinder openers” have in common. The rest is tone, and you can pick the one that feels most like you.

Openers based on their profile

These are the most reliable first messages on Tinder and every other app, because nobody else can send exactly the same one.

1. “Is that Snowdon in your third photo? I’ve been meaning to do it – which route did you take?”
2. “Your bio says you make the best lasagne in Bristol. Bold claim. What’s the secret?”
3. “I see a dog that looks like it runs the household. What’s their name?”
4. “You’ve been to Lisbon too – did you queue for the custard tarts or find somewhere better?”
5. “A fellow climber! Indoor walls or proper rock?”
6. “Your Hinge prompt about Sunday mornings is exactly my idea of a good weekend. Coffee first or walk first?”
7. “That festival photo looks brilliant. Which one was it?”
8. “You read Sally Rooney and like horror films. I need to know how those go together.”

Question openers

Good when the profile is thin. Pick questions that are fun to answer, not interview questions.

9. “What’s the best thing you’ve eaten this month?”
10. “Quick one: perfect Saturday – city, countryside or sofa?”
11. “What’s a small thing that makes your week better?”
12. “If you could teleport anywhere for lunch today, where are we going?”
13. “What are you currently obsessed with – show, book, podcast?”
14. “Which is the most underrated place in your town?”
15. “What’s something you’re looking forward to this month?”
16. “Tea or coffee? This will decide a lot.”

Playful and funny openers

Humour works when it is light and not at anyone’s expense. These are easy to adapt.

17. “I’d send you a clever opener but I’ve used all my wit on a work email. How’s your day going?”
18. “Two truths and a lie, you go first.”
19. “Important question before we continue: is a hot dog a sandwich?”
20. “Rate your karaoke confidence from 1 to Mariah.”
21. “I’m told the correct opener is a pun. I’ve got nothing. Hello though.”
22. “We’ve matched, which means we have to agree on the best biscuit. Go.”
23. “On a scale of one to ten, how competitive are you at board games? Asking for safety reasons.”
24. “Plan for the weekend: something ambitious or something with a blanket?”

Simple, sincere openers

Not everyone wants to be witty. A warm, direct message works very well, especially on apps where people are looking for something serious.

25. “Hi Sarah, your profile made me smile – especially the bit about learning the cello at 40. How’s that going?”
26. “Hello! You come across as really down to earth. What do you get up to at the weekend?”
27. “Hi, I’m Tom. I liked what you wrote about wanting more evenings out. What would be top of your list?”
28. “Nice to match with you. Your photos from Scotland look amazing – do you go often?”
29. “Hi there, I’m new to this and a bit rusty. What made you try the app?”

Openers when they have already sent a like

On Hinge and similar apps someone can like a specific photo or prompt. Reply to that exact thing.

30. “You liked my photo with the terrible fish I caught. It was even smaller in real life.”
31. “Thanks for the like on my travel prompt. Where’s next on your list?”
32. “Glad someone else agrees pineapple belongs on pizza. What’s your other controversial opinion?”
33. “You picked my most chaotic photo. I respect that. What gave it away?”

What not to send

• “Hey” on its own. It gives the other person all the work. If you must, add a question: “Hey! How was your weekend?”
• Compliments about bodies. They feel uncomfortable at best. Comment on a photo’s setting, a smile or a style choice instead.
• Copy-paste lines. People who use the app a lot spot them immediately.
• Several messages in a row. If someone doesn’t reply, one gentle follow-up after a few days is the maximum.
• Your phone number or social handles. Too early. Keep the chat in the app until you trust each other.
• Anything sexual. Unless it is clearly welcome, it is the fastest way to be unmatched or reported.

Keeping the conversation going

The opener is one message. What matters next is the rhythm: answer their question, then add one of your own. Share a small story rather than a one-word reply. After a few days of easy chatting, suggest a short meeting, such as a coffee or a walk. Long chats with no plan often fade out on their own.

If a conversation turns strange, for example the other person quickly asks to move to WhatsApp, says they are working abroad or mentions money, read our guide to dating app safety. And if the replies are slow because your profile is doing the opposite of what you want, the dating app bio examples will help.

Who should message first?

Whoever wants to. Bumble is known for asking women to make the first move in matches between a woman and a man, and has since added features such as Opening Moves, so check the current rules in the app (see our Bumble review). On other apps, there is no reason to wait. Sending the first message is a small risk with a big upside.